Friday, November 16, 2007

How Do I Convince My Elderly Parent to Move Into a Facility?

Most of our parents will not willingly move into an assisted living facility. Some will seek it out on their own, but these are the exceptions. Frequently it will be an unfortunate incident that sparks this conversation between parent and adult children.

The elderly are often afraid that moving to a 'facility' identifies them as needy. Remember, the first step in getting help, for any of us, is admitting you need it. The aging parent sees this move as a loss of independence. They may also see it as 'failing' or the last move before the cemetary. Often this is the case, and this realization is what you and your parent must work through.

Every person must attend to their activities of daily living. The activities of daily living include: bathing, dressing, toileting, ambulating (walking), and eating. As we age accomplishing these daily tasks may become difficult, if not impossible, without some form of assistance. An assisted living facility can provide the help they need, as they need it. For example, your mother may only need help in fastening her bra and putting on her shoes. An assisted living facility can provide only the care she needs and wants, leaving her to function throughout her day as independently as possible.


Anonymous said...

Very sensitive article that not too many people talk about. It can take up to 3 months for the elderly to get adjsuted to an assisted living facility. We as their kids hopefully are better prepared both emotionally and with long term care issurance. Assisted living just means you need assistance, your still living!!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Chuck. I just recently had the talk with my mother who had a minor stroke. We live in separate states and I am very worried about her health since neither my brother or I are around her. She claims she's fine, but her health is steadily declining. Finally I was able to talk her into visiting a few and keeping an open mind. Luckily I was able to convince her with a little advice about how to talk to her and bring up difficult topics from this website:

Thankfully she had actually found one she likes and had made a friend at the assisted living facility. Whenever I visit her, she's always with that friend and I end up taking them both out to lunch!

The Balaboosta said...

Retirement Living, which can otherwise be called 'Independent Living' is sometimes a more palatable idea to the aging parent.

Independent facilities often have behind the scene menus of assistance as needed. This means that the aging resident can function without assistance with slight exceptions from time to time.

This could be the perfect transition for those aging parents who are completely against the idea of assistance.


  • Ambulating (walking)
  • Bathing
  • Dressing
  • Eating
  • Toileting